3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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