Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
this is an emotional support booty call
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
