Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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