You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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