Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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