so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
smell my finger.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
