my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
