I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
