My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
