Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
