I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
