Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
