i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
