Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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