I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
