Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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