found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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