Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Someone signed my nipple.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
