yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
