No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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