we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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