I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
