who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
