you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
