your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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