i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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