i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
