I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
