nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
