You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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