i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
