my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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