My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
