from now on my penis is your penis
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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