Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize