I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
