I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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