I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
