Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
