Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
