i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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