I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Best friends brother. Beat that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
