Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
