i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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