you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
