Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
