Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
