from now on my penis is your penis
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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