I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
