Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
