Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
