im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
