I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I will be naked everywhere
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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