Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
