Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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