no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
