Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you never un-have a 4some
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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