Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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