True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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