I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
