so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
