wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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