I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
