and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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