I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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