i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i think im in europe. pls send help
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize