The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
