Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
