my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
