i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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